If you’ve had the unfortunate (or fortunate) opportunity to be close to a narcissist, you know the intense spell or trance they can put you in. I say unfortunate because they will twist and break your heart in ways that are unimaginable to a kind and open person. They use you as an object, manipulate you for their own end, and cast you out like yesterday’s trash when they are done with you or when you are no longer under their spell. And, I say fortunate because you will understand darkness and know evil in a way that can help you unleash your purpose and destiny when you use this pain for good.
Narcissists mesmerize us with their charm. They make us feel so important and valuable. We all long to be loved. Knowing this, narcissists shower us with affection, praise, and love. When we are in their presence, it can feel like we are able do anything. The love we’ve always longed for is possible. Where we’ve doubted ourselves, they assure us that with their help. We can do anything we desire. That’s how they make us dependent on them. They rope us into needing them in order for us to unfold. Without them, the potential they see so clearly in us would fall apart. They show us how we would be stuck in our patterns without them.
Narcissists are often masters of a unique set of skills. These skills give them their power and influence over you. It may be an ability to read people, a specific kind of intelligence, enthusiasm, or charisma. They often can see your gifts and your potential, and they exploit it. They will often trap you in some bind with them where you are left believing their spell and believing you need them to survive or make your way in the world. They feed off of your insecurities and fears and exploit any weaknesses of yours they have access to.
Worming into Your Soul
The narcissist weaves a web of lies and worms their way inside your soul. They start with truths, then move to half truths, and soon they tell you outright lies. They will find any opening they can to get you back and keep you inside their illusion. When you begin to put up boundaries, they will often find ways around the boundaries and make you feel guilty for wanting space from them. They very rarely respect heartfelt boundaries.
The Secret Weapon: They Blame You For Their Behavior
The narcissist is a master of a secret weapon. They take the unconscious things they do and blame the other person for them. Because this dynamic is in the field of connection between people, there’s a truth to it that is very hard to shake when they point to you with blame. It’s especially impactful when they come at it with such force. They are master hypnotists of directing our attention to the facts they want us to see and misdirecting us from the truth. For example, they tell you that you are afraid and that they are here to help you. It is really their fear they are pushing down, that you are picking up on. But it’s hard to tell. They make you feel wrong for feeling it and then offer to help you and now you are hooked in their illusionary world.
There are many ways they can do this. They can project their intimacy issues, vulnerability, judgmentalness, arrogance, and a myriad of other challenges onto you and make it seem like you are responsible for it. Because it is happening in the field, it can be confusing to you when the other person is insistent that you are responsible for the dynamic.
A Special Kind of Ugly
Once the narcissist’s spell has been broken, they will appear ugly to you in a particular kind of way. Their energetic body has been contorted and manipulated in such a way that they are simply not pleasing to look at when you see them clearly. You may wonder how you could have ever been fooled by them. Everything that they were doing is so obviously a sham from this new perspective outside of the spell. It’s like waking up from a nightmare that you thought was an actual reality. If they were lovers, you may wonder how you could have ever been attracted to someone like that. If you gave them money, friendship or trust, you may think how could I ever have believed in this person. The change is awe inspiring when you wake up. And waking up can feel awful at first. There’s a lot of trauma you will awaken to as you wake up to these tendencies.
Boundaries Are the Saving Grace
Boundaries help us free ourselves from this narcissistic abuse. Boundaries arise from the heart and protect us from the narcissists attempts to get into our life or hypnotize us with their spells. Boundaries break the spell. When you hold your true boundaries, your own desires clearly arise from the heart. You can discern what desires are your own, what you are okay with, and where your limits are. The narcissist can no longer touch you when you can set the boundary. You also need to take space and get clear on the pure desires that naturally rise out of your own heart. Your boundaries protect you and keep you safe from their evil manipulations. The ultimate boundary is getting free of them energetically, interacting with them only when you feel inspired to, in whatever capacity you feel is right for you. The level of interaction you desire can change at any moment. You feel free to answer to that change when it informs you and naturally occurs within yourself.
If you need help getting free of narcissistic abuse, please reach out to Adam Bulbulia for coaching to support you.
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