I avoided the label of narcissism like the plague. I thought it was just another overused catch phrase referring to extreme self-centeredness, and it is. Narcissism is a buzzword that is thrown around casually and inaccurately. Once I started educating myself on what exactly narcissism is, a huge fog of confusion began to lift as it dawned on me how pervasive narcissism is.1 As I started trusting the direct experience of my life more deeply, I began exploring the frontier of a very specific element within narcissism that makes it much more dangerous and insidious than it is currently understood to be.
Narcissism structurally and energetically distorts field dynamics. In this context, “field” has its roots in electromagnetic and quantum mechanics. It refers to anything and everything that is present in a specific environment, from emotions and relationship dynamics to power dynamics. Simply put, quantum physicists define the field as “invisible moving forces that influence the physical world.”2
The distortion inherent in narcissism is running rampant and unchecked in our world. When two people are in a conversation, they are sharing and creating a unique field. When one or both of those people are expressing narcissism, the field dynamics become distorted. I’ll get to the mechanics of how this distortion happens in an interaction later on. Now let’s get to the roots of the epidemic.
There is another layer of field distortion that is not as active. This distortion is embedded within Western culture. In fact, it is a foundational element of Western culture that is directly responsible for enabling the cultural domination of the West. Narcisissm’s ability to reshape the very rules it plays by is what has allowed the Western culture to dominate, seduce, conform, and control a large portion of the world. It is responsible for the massive planetary transformations and degradation that has since ensued.
Narcissism manipulates the field by finding and attaching to something which is present. In the process, that element becomes visible and obvious. In the background, all of its relational aspects are secretly twisted. This is the distortion. What appears to be true is actually a massive cover up.
To understand what this means, let’s look at a historical myth. In the Odyssey, after much battle and bloodshed, the Greeks give the people of Troy an incredible gift. This gift is a giant human-built construction of a horse. However, the true essence and purpose of this horse is obscured. The horse is a horse, but the horse is a facade. What presents itself as a gift is actually a murderous ploy to get inside enemy lines. The empire of Troy falls. What is apparent and true in the field is used as a manipulation to obscure the truth of the lie that results in the downfall of an entire civilization.
It is so much easier to manipulate “the truth” than to cover up lies out of thin air. Using and cleverly dividing what already exists is efficient, intelligent, and can go undetected for a long time.
The Birth of Western Culture
Modern culture began to take shape in 17th century Europe during the Age of Reason. During this period of incredible intellectual and scientific innovation, Descartes famously coined the “Mind-Body Problem.” This “Mind-Body Problem” is at the heart of how narcissism became embedded in the cultural field of the world we live in today.
Without diving too deeply into either philosophy or history, the “Mind-Body Problem” provides a solution to the age-old discussion around where exactly the soul touches the physical body. The solution was to stop searching for the answer. For the sake of efficiency and productivity, the mind became separated from the body and each one became free from the other.
Symbolically, the mind represents everything that cannot be seen while the body represents everything in our physical world. This division and separation gave us the ability to divide and conquer every aspect of the world around us without looking into all of the consequences. It is what allows a future doctor to focus on human biology without asking how illness figures into public health or city planning.
The negative consequences of this division are the loss of essential meanings and connection. Resolving “The Problem” without finding a true answer has built a culture of domination around a central lie. This lie is what has embedded narcissism deep within the foundation of Modern Western culture.
The Lie of Narcissism
Narcissism creates a sense of identity which is distinctively born out of and contradictory to the truth. In a sense, it follows the old saying, “ignorance is bliss.” Narcissism clings to this ignorance, choosing to create their own version of bliss that is, in reality, a lie.
Everyone has the potential to be a narcissist. Similarly, everyone has the potential to be an empath. Narcissism and empathy each exist on a spectrum, and we are all on both of them. At the root of both of the spectrums is trauma. How we live with and evolve from those traumas is what distinguishes one spectrum from the other.
The natural development of empathy often ramps up as a result of a specific trauma, steering the individual to seek information outside of their own internal experience. They begin to tap into the field to collect information. This data gives them clues for how to respond and express themselves in the attempt to avoid future traumas. The difference between the response to trauma in the narcissist and the empath is the lie.
The individual employing narcissism clings to their false identity. They will mine whatever truth exists in the field to use as a coverup. The act of mining for truth can happen unconsciously, and it can also be done completely intentionally. The narcissist will then manipulate all of the truth’s conditions. This includes who it belongs to, who is responsible for it, the story around why it is there, and what should be done about it.
Oftentimes the narcissist is mining their own issues. They access their own deep and dark secrets that have been cast away from the false identity they constructed for themselves. The narcissist then transfers the responsibility of their own shadow emotions of guilt, fear, and shame onto someone else while telling a convincing story about it.
This is incredibly dangerous because the way narcissism uses what is true in the field to distort the field dynamics can be nearly impossible to discern. Anyone tapped into empathy will notice how the resonance of their being is physiologically agreeing with what is being said. The initial intuitive read will often agree that what is being said is true.
When an individual is tapped into the deeper aspects of their empathic potential, they will begin to be aware of the undertones that something is off. I have experienced this on a physiological level when I start feeling like I am off balance. In this situation, cultural conditioning will lead me to convince myself that nothing is off, that in reality it is something inside of me that is wrong.
When we ignore our intuition, a gap widens between the truth of our experience and what we mentally believe is happening. Instead of investigating the distortion outside of ourselves, we internalize it and divide against ourselves. The gap that widens between what are now two separate realities can be recognized as dissociation.
Dissociation is the most common response we will have in the face of manipulative and narcissistic field dynamics. Dissociation is a powerful signal that we can use to listen deeper to our intuition and ask if there is something off in the field instead of inside of ourselves. We can start asking ourselves if what appears to be true might actually be covering up an even bigger lie.3
“To molest” is defined as “to make unwanted or improper sexual advances toward someone.” The second definition, dubbed “somewhat old-fashioned,” is “to annoy, disturb, or persecute with hustle intent or injurious effect.”5 There are laws in place against the first definition of molestation. However, the second definition rings true for the field distortions that occur as a result of narcissism.
What I have come to realize as the sick reality in all of this is that the modern world we live in is obsessed with mining the truth in the field as it appears, and not as it really is. We are handicapped, and have absolutely no system of accountability to empower either of the empath and narcissist spectrums to distinguish the lies from the truth, and begin unwinding the manipulation. In a world which views and defines success in its visible manifestations, employing techniques of molestation at the mental level is actually encouraged in order to be successful. Narcissism is a foundational element of our culture today. (Also see the article Molestation of the Soul)
The Vulnerability of Integrity
I used to think, as many still do, that “it’s a two way street.” If someone is in a relationship with a narcissist, whether it be through work, romance, or friendship, then they make up one half of the codependent relationship. Of course everyone needs to be responsible for themselves. However, the extent to which the narcissist has the power to manipulate the field dynamics creates a playing field that is unfair. Oftentimes, it’s a game of cat and mouse. The naive innocence of the one who lives in honesty becomes a vulnerability on which the narcissist preys.
An old tale is that the Apaches used to hide in plain sight from the invading Europeans. Because hiding in plain sight was not within the bounds of the newcomers’ consciousness, they were unable to see the Apaches. If a person with integrity comes into contact with a narcissist, they won’t see the manipulation. Using apparent truths to cover manipulative lies is not in the handbook.
Consent and Accountability
We are in the “Age of Consent,” where the importance of consent has taken traction and is actually openly talked about. In the 90’s and 00’s, sex education was taught in schools at a purely physical level: 5th and 6th graders watched a woman giving birth on a scratchy television while being shown diagrams of male and female genetalia. Highschoolers were given multiple choice tests about how to prevent AIDs and pregnancy. There was no mention in sex educationof verbal consent and boundaries. This level of education came a long way from what many of those student’s fathers grew up on, “when a girl says no, it means try again and try harder.”
The power and importance of consent is imperative. But just knowing what you want and how to say yes or no is not the final iteration of empowerment. What we need is a system of accountability. In a field dynamic with both structural and interpersonal narcissistic manipulation, the human that is awake and present to what is happening has the greatest agency to make the change that is needed.
Today, child molesters and rapists are sometimes held accountable for their actions. The molestation of the field which occurs through narcissism exists in nearly every interpersonal dynamic along with every fragment of our culture. It is my belief that the medicine needed most for the molesting perpetrators, of both the physical realm and energetic field, can be found in the ones suffering from their abuse. When the ones who are vulnerable can know themselves and the field well enough to hold those who are perpetrating accountable, humanity will step into an entirely new way of relating, organizing, creating, and loving.
Imagine a narcissistic abuser looking into the eyes of the ones they abused. Imagine the victim of abuse coming out of their own victimhood by declaring their own desire for accountability, and beginning the process of coaching their abuser to develop a capacity for empathy. The abuser begins to feel their own wretched pain, grief, sorrow, and confusion.
The Medicine we all Need
This is why it is imperative that everyone begin to be educated on narcissism and the molestation that is running rampant within the human field of existence. It will take all of us working together to unwind the massive manipulation embedded in our cultural field. At this point, we still don’t know how deeply these lies run.
The first step to unwinding the twisted distortions of narcissism is to look inside. Developing empathy is the key antidote to narcissism, but can easily be used as a tool to mine the field for information rather than feeling the empathy into the deepest core of our being. Rather than looking to the field, we must close our eyes and look deep within our own hearts. This process of self-knowing will keep us connected to our own authentic and unique experience of ourselves in each and every field that we enter.
Making space for our own truth to exist in a field embedded with lies will create a sense of dissonance within us. It will take great courage and integrity to continue trusting that what we are feeling internally is correct and allowed. Our self-knowing will continue to develop as we send messages of validation to our intuition simply by allowing whatever it is saying to exist, even when it is in the face of a massive contradiction with the external parade of facades. Naturally, we will start feeling the need to speak out and hold the boundaries of the field from distorting against us. This will happen naturally because our own internal experience will be so apparent to us that we will not have the tolerance for active narcissism. Inevitably, we will burn some bridges. At the same time, our lives may transform in incredibly unexpected ways.
Once we develop a high level of responsibility for ourselves and begin holding the active narcissistic dynamics within the field accountable, we can then begin to form a community of accountability that will address the narcissism embedded in our cultural field. It will take a community working together in every field, including family and business, to restore integrity. Only then will we be able to close the gap and steer our evolution as a planet and a species toward our true and fullest potential. This is the heart-centered revolution.
1. “Curing Narcissism with a Spectrum of Understanding,” Adam Bulbulia 2022. This is a great educational resource to understand narcissism. It outlines the official DSM criteria with Adam’s own clinical and experiential understanding.
3. It is possible that the dissociation that occurs as a result of the structural narcissism embedded in our culture is largely responsible for the apparent and sudden increase of neurodiversity in humans, including ADD, ADHD, and Autism.
4. This concept of narcissism as an act of molestation is credited to “Molestation of the Soul: Exposing the Subtle Evil of Narcissism.” Adam Bulbulia, 2022.
5. www.merriam-webster.com, 2022.
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