When we place our heart at the center of all our endeavors, we naturally care about all our relations, humanity, and the earth. The Heart-Centered Operating System (HCOS) is one way to place the heart at the center of business. It is widely recognized that we all unite in the marketplace. When businesses are run by our heart, humanity stands a chance at surviving and thriving. HCOS is a “system” of doing business from the heart and working for love in all things. HCOS uses the energetics of a group dynamic to govern its processes.
To better understand these energetic styles, we must first understand the way of the heart. The human heart communicates energetically. For example, understanding the literal words is not as important as feeling the energy in the communication. When you feel the energy, you will understand the communication from one heart to another heart. If you get trapped trying to understand words, you will only be communicating from one mind to another mind, without the full potential of the heart to inform what is really happening. The mind without the heart can deceive us and lead us astray. When the heart is present in the communication, it is always true to the person’s real experience.
There are seven common styles of energetic expression which take place in communication between people in most environments. Being conscious of these styles of energy can help us navigate communication in a more effective way, allowing us to choose the style that best suits the needs of the moment.
The first and second styles both embody divisive energy and should be avoided. Divisive energy is defined as the energy that divides humanity from each other. The remaining five styles can be used with loving energy, if they are used as the heart guides us in the moment. Practice using each of the non-divisive styles, when they feel right. Before an important conversation, take a minute to touch your heart and feel into the field linking yourself with the other(s) you are about to communicate with. Your heart will guide you in the best way to approach the situation.
The Seven Styles of Energetic Expression
1. Passive-Aggressive Energetic Style: (The Community Sabotaging Style)
A person channeling passive-aggressive energy has hidden resentment which can be felt, but the person is not admitting it or bringing it forward. This energetic style results from being disconnected from the heart and resentful toward others. We want to avoid this style as it only brews disconnection and engenders distrust in all who are impacted by this style.
A heart’s natural response: Annoyance, anger, and/or rage. The heart of a recipient of passive-aggressive energy will be angry at the inauthenticity they feel from this kind of energy. “Why can’t you just be honest with me?,” asks the heart. “Why all of this uncalled for resentment?”
2. The Divisive-Energetic Style: (The Love Slaying Style of Communication)
Technically, the passive-aggressive style is simply one form of this style, but the passive-aggressive style is so common we put it first. This style seeks to tear down or destroy whatever the group is working on. It often hides under seemingly sound logic and common sense. You’ll frequently notice this divisive style because there will be a lot of sentences starting with “No, but…” Usually, few actual solutions are offered, just a denial of what is presented. Avoid using this style whenever possible as it is extremely destructive to communication, and ultimately to life itself.
Surprisingly, this style often goes unnoticed in work and social situations, since it is so common. Even though it is destroying our culture, it’s considered acceptable by the corrupt and evil standards of society. An open heart does not allow this communication style to continue. An open heart draws a clear boundary around this style and does not allow it to go unchecked. This can include anything from helping the other person out of this dysfunctional style to raining hellfire and fury down upon someone when they start using a divisive energy style. (When my editor read the last sentence, she said, “A style so few employ,” as she began to crack up in humor. What can I say, I am unusual.)
A heart’s natural response: Anger. Feeling undermined by this destructive style. A true heart will always take a stand against divisive energy and never allow it to run the show. This particular stand can be gentle or fierce, depending on your personal preference and approach. It also depends on what you feel is called for in the moment from the field of players in the interaction.
There’s also a self-divisive energetic style that often comes out as unconfident or self-demeaning. This style hurts the heart a little and we want to simply help pull the person out of denying themselves so the full expression of love can unfold. The loving approach is more honest than when we blame another or ourself.
3. Gentle-Assertive Energetic Style: (Rapport Building Style)
A person channeling gentle-assertive energy brings forward their perspective, but tactfully, so as to not unduly hurt others with their expression. Since we can’t always be 100% real in our culture without causing a fair amount of ripples, the gentle-assertive style builds a bridge. It is harmonizing for the field of those involved. It’s appropriate communication for when we talk in a professional context with people with whom we want to build a strong foundation of trust. When we use gentle-assertive energy, with zero-tolerance for divisive energy, we can use the minimal amount of force needed to clear any divisive energy. For example, with gentle-assertive energy you can share neutral observations such as, “I’m noticing some divisive energy in this conversation. What’s your experience of this?” Using a gently-assertive tone can help diffuse the issue. Pointing more specifically to what the other person is doing that is counterproductive can be good as well. The gentle-assertive style can raise issues with the same tone of voice you would use when giving driving directions (clear, decisive, matter of fact, and neutral).
A heart’s natural response: Relief and openness and a little bit of guardedness, if there are any elements being held back from the dynamic. In general, the heart likes gentle-assertive energy from others. There’s an ease and forthrightness which allows for good communication to happen as long as there isn’t a lot being concealed or held down. This is an excellent style, to consult, lead, and do most activities, if you are not in the loving collaborative mode.
4. Assertive-Aggressive Energetic Style: (Tough Love)
A person channeling this style energy strongly asserts themselves with aggression and anger in the service of bringing forward what they have to say decisively and confidently. When you have a major issue, and the person you’re communicating with isn’t getting it with a softer style, the assertive-aggressive style can be effective to help raise and resolve the issue.
A heart’s natural response: Fired up and meeting what’s there with forthrightness. Usually, there will be a little guardedness in the heart, especially around the aggressive energy. Generally, aggressive energy comes from the person feeling powerless or attempting to assert power. The assertive energy feels good in the heart of the other and the aggressiveness is uncalled for, unless there’s a need to address divisive energy in the field. The aggressive-assertive pattern is very good for meeting divisive energy and dispelling it. Using the minimum amount of aggressive energy necessary to meet the situation is ideal.
5. Aggressive-Aggressive Energetic Style: (Very Tough Love)
A person channeling this style energy is extremely aggressive in getting their point across. When channeling this energy, there is often little or no regard for how the other person may be receiving the message. A heart-centered way of using this style requires profound empathy with the other, so you treat them with the utmost respect.
A heart’s natural response: Meeting the anger with anger and saying what needs to be said. The heart meets the aggressive-aggressive style with forthrightness. It likes the honesty of this style and also questions why the person is being so aggressive. If the heart of the other is open, there is no need for aggression, and the heart seeks to meet this energy to help defuse it so there can be more easy, loving connection and communication. When an open heart meets divisive energy and the person doesn’t stop being divisive when it’s pointed out, the aggressive-aggressive energetic style is a useful tool. The divisive energy seeks power over others. The open heart feels itself to be violently stabbed with energetic knives when someone continues to be divisive. The aggressive-aggressive style takes this power away from the divisive energy. Additionally, the aggressive-aggressive style can be good to meet passive-aggressive energy too.
6. Loving-Collaborative Energetic Style: (The Easy Goodness Style)
When a person channels loving-collaborative energy, there’s a supportive and loving mood which is collaborative. It’s easy to do this style when there’s no divisive energy in the field. This style is a “yes, and …” approach.
A heart’s natural response: Easy, open, and going wherever the field calls for. This is the heart’s favorite way to relate. There’s an alliance formed in the hearts of the communicators and good communication between minds naturally situate and flow from the alignment in the heart. When this pattern occurs in all the people in an interaction, there’s a kind of energetic communion where so much more can be accomplished than in any other energetic style. Naturally, we prefer the loving-collaboration style whenever possible. However, authenticity is always better than trying to fake this style, when we are not feeling it.
7. Blindly-Openly-Following-Your-Heart Energy: (The Styleless Style)
In this newly emerging style, we just share what’s in our heart to be shared. We move in and out of any of the other non-divisive energetic styles, as it feels called for without any conscious choice. In this mode, we are not being strategic. We are simply being, or being authentic. We are like a force of nature; we can be sunny, windy, rainy, or thundering. Whatever the situation calls for, we show up as we feel moved. The guiding principle here is “What does my loving heart most feel moved to do?” We simply do that and be with whatever happens next. This style is the fastest way to evolve yourself. You will not always be right, but you will always simply be. In being, you will attract to you anything which is needed for you to learn, evolve, and grow.
A heart’s natural response: This style is so disarmingly charming to the heart that the heart of another simply lights up when they see or experience another using this style. There’s a kind of safety which comes from one heart to another and everything feels very resonant and easy in the heart.
Conclusion
Understanding these seven energetic styles, we are better able to follow the way of the heart and respond to the energy of the field connecting us. The heart’s natural expression serves the situation when we communicate with attention to the energy in the dynamics. With practice, it becomes easier to see the styles in action, notice them, and choose the one needed in any given moment. In all situations, the heart can guide you in which style to use and how to respond to another. The instructions for how to be in relationship to anything are always inscribed in your heart. In this way, we lovingly tend to ourselves, others, and all of humanity with whatever is called for in the moment.
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